Well Hey There Sunshine

So I was standing in line getting my groceries rung up at Palace Market today, and it came up to something like $75. Remember back about four months ago when I was counting change to see if I could buy food that day and going without so that I could afford something else almost more important? Yeah. Me too. So I handed the guy my card, calculating in my head how much I had in my bank account, which was, decidedly, on the right side of more than enough.

I got in my co-worker's car, and sat in silence most of the way home. My first thought was that in two pay periods I will have ten times the money I've had in my bank account at any one time in the last 29 years of my life. My second thought was a little bit of a tear jerking blast of pure gratitude. My life is, for the first time, full of abundance. And not fleeting abundance, but true, steady abundance. Anyone who says money can't buy happiness, has obviously never lived in poverty, because when you work your ass off and still can't pay all your bills, there's no time for feeding yourself well and no money to buy clothes that look good, no room for joy because the stress of making it day to day trumps out any other emotion.

Thinking all of this I stopped, and I said a little gratitude prayer:

Dear universe, Please don't let me forget what it felt like to be poor so that when my bank account has more money than I need I can be generous. Please don't let me forget what it felt like to be homeless and hungry, so that now, when I have a roof over my head and food in my belly, I remember to share it. Please let me remember illness, so that when I am as healthy as I am now, I remember that life is a precious thing, that public health care kept me alive, and that every struggle, every surgery, every scar, attachment, modification, and curve of my body is precious, a source of strength, and the reason I am still alive today. Please let me remember how hard, heart breaking, lonely, joyful and fun being single can be, so that when the right person comes along, I will carry with me the joy and the fun, leave the rest behind, and never take them for granted. Thank you for this abundance.

Six months ago I couldn't have dreamed this level of good in my life was even possible. Still soaking it up.