Big Sur

None of these pictures has been edited. Matty is magic, Alex is hilarious, Resham and Lindzie are great. The Beginning.


Day One: Driving packed in a corner with all of two men's things. Andrew Molera SP. Resham and Linzie arrival. A spewing of A-C couplings. Stars on the beach accompanied by flow harmonica. Flashlights and wiggly path adventures in the dark.

The Coast.

Andrew Molera State Park

Day two: Recovery. Sandstorm beach hike. Driftwood homes. Aggressive Critters. Books in tents. Ramen partial failure. Tented mandolin serenaded cuddle puddle.

Fred. The squirrel who bit me.

Driftwood shelter on the beach

Day three: Goodbyes! Red River Inn. Campsite search. Henry Miller Library. Ragged Point. San Simeon. More wine. Amazing U-haul house tent bacon cooking latino neighbors.

Red River Inn. So much de ja vu about this place.

Henry Miller Library


Ragged Point, top of the very very steep path to the beach.

Our San Simeon camping neighbors

Day four: Cambria! Coffee! Garden. Sandwich. Beach. Chris!

Fairy Garden in Cambria

Rainbow Coffee in Cambria

Matty at San Simeon Beach playing with the sea weed.

Day five: Back to Sur. Best Campsite EVER. One more night. 12 dollar bacon. Short path down the bluff, across the creek, out to the ocean. Cold Water. Warm Sun. Banjo. Phone Calls. Magnificent Sunset. Stolen Bacon.

Beach! Ocean! Rocks!

Day Six: Bacon Found! Goodbye, Much Love. Nepenthe. Missed the bus. Sculpture garden. Caught the bus. Passed by Jordan! "I know that guy!" (it never ceases to surprise me!) Monterey. San Jose. Afghani conversation. BART. Sad Gingers. Shower. Bed.

BACON! Returned mostly unharmed. I think it was the rabbits.

Horse Sculpture in the sculpture garden , where everything was priced at $12,000 or more, across the street from Nepenthe. (They charge extra for the view.)

All in all, I would say it was a really good trip, save for that incident with the bacon. But we got it back! So it's all ok! The End.

PS. Angry Catfish Chasing Around Aquatic Creatures.

Little Poems and Tilt Shift Time Lapse

Among other things. I'm back from Big Sur adventures. The two things I thought the most on the bus ride home: 1. My year is challenging and full of travel. 2. Big Sur happened in a most glorious way. Photos and stories will be posted shortly. After I sort through them for the best.

Treasures for the day:

Poetry Bombing (via Booooooom!) Thanks for the call out Jessica.



Tilt Shift Time Lapse: combining two styles of photography that I'm fascinated by with beautiful music and New York. This is making me glad my friend Bethany is back on Facebook.

This Is How I Like It

Success defined as: keeping cool and feeling strong.

biking, biking, dancing, being myself while dancing, biking, being myself while biking, laughing, chatting, dancing, hugging, biking some more, swinging on the bars on BART, wing girling it for a brother, biking.

Canoes, river, swimming for hours, jumping from heights, sun, sun, water, and more sun, leading to dinner, and exhaustion of the best kind.

A good interview.

Friendships old and new.

Half an El Faralito burrito, city walking, interacting with the world in real time.

Easier Said Then Done

But always good to remember. While we're on the subject of flow charts, this is one of my favorites:

The Friendship Algorithm (I'm not rick rolling you I swear. God, who came up with that?)

Oh What A Week

First, you need to enjoy this website: (NSFW...kind of?) http://nuclearjukebox.blogspot.com/


Second, this week was way better than last week. Tis time for another list of things bringing the light:

1. Chickens
2. Laura and Nick
3. X-Men First Class
4. Doug and Hamburgers
5. Nerd Night about Guitars and Simpsons and Lasers (Really, how could you miss that?)
6. Pork Loin topped with bacon and onion compote, with a side of jokes.
7. Confidence
8. Gentlemen and Wine
9. Piles of laughter and joy.
10. Interesting job opportunities
11. Friends with good ideas and funny thoughts
12. An amazing weekend coming up
13. Song recording in the hallway!

Nothing in the notebook this week. I forgot to carry it with me. You are probably glad.

Tomorrow Will Be Better...Right?

I'm losing my mind. Or at least my sense of balance.

Yesterday was a day of forgetting and falling and dropping things and maybe a little bit of manic kind of joy.


I already mentioned how I lost my glasses. The other day I also took my keys off to look at chickens and left them on the table in a garden which I do not frequent, leaving them behind and annoying my friend who had a yoga class to attend. I found them eventually but generally was lost in confusion for a good ten minutes. We won't talk about why I took the keys off in the first place. Well, Ok, yes we will. I was afraid the keys jingling would scare those chickens. Turns out, those chickens don't care about jangle keys.

So yesterday I was supposed to meet my friend for dinner before heading to the city. I'd been hanging out on my bed all day (it's a lovely spot really, very soft and sunny.) I was applying to a job, you know, since applying to jobs is my full time job right now. I realized I was late, like, really really late, so I jumped up to get out of bed. When I say jumped up, I mean I stood up on my bed. I went to step down on the floor and landed first on the headphones, then on the hammer, then fell headfirst into the closet door, which was open. This is a case where having your hands out in front of you will not help (I did not have my hands out in front of me.). I did manage to turn my head to the side, catching the edge of the door on the side of my head instead of directly to the forhead, and fell into the closet. I kid you not. This really happened. I was a living cartoon for 30 seconds of my life.

I did eventually make it to friend's house for dinner, which was lovely and delicious. We had an awesome night in the city learning fun things about guitars and Simpson Science and Lasers. The laser talk caused some funny dreams, but it was still facinating. Physics! Fuck yeah!

Lastly, I got home, and went to put the awesome salad I got from my friend into the fridge and I saw a gladware container full of yum looking noodles. So I asked Roommate Matto if it was house food. The answer was a confident yes, so I took some and put it in one of our bowls. I put the bowl on the stove and opened the microwave, only to have the top venty thing come crashing down, making me scream, causing a rucus, and knocking my bowl off the stove. All I could do was stand in stupid horror as my bowl turned in slow motion, fell to the floor, and shattered into three million pieces that spread out over the ENTIRE kitchen. I was in my socks. I took one step and stepped into glass. I hopped out of the kitchen in as few steps as possible and headed downstairs to grab the broom and dust pan, and put on some shoes. Bike Pajamas. Black Tank top, Shoes on, broom in hand, it's 12:30 am and I'm sweeping the kitchen. This is my life folks.

As for today:

Well the stress finally came to a head. Between bad timing and uncomfortable non and mis-communications, I did manage to rip a little at the seams today. Luckily, Moms can be good teammates sometimes and mine told me to do exactly what I was planning to do, let me know she could relate, and said she loved me. She also offered her house to me, to which I said very quickly "No. We'll kill each other." She said she could last a week without killing me. Maybe two. She's a funny lady.

Tomorrow I make my last trip to the office to pick up my things and then I can resume rolling on down my path. This will be rather awkward. I left lady things in the bathroom, a wheel under the work desk, and my favorite mug on the dishrack. There are files on the computer that may or may not be important. I was hoping to avoid awkward conversation. No such luck. So I'll have to suck it up, come in light as a feather, swoop up my things, and fly on away.

The past is past and there's naught you can do to change it. The future is now. Think about that folks.

In the midst of the stress and the forgetting and the falling, there's been plenty of laughter. In excitement for the Nerd Night, I was babbling. I said something weird and kind of annoying and looked at my friend who is very tall and was looking down at me a little wide eyed. I kind of smiled and said "It's been a while since you've seen me happy." He smiled and said it had been.

"You forgot how annoying it was!" I said. He cracked up. He's got a great smile, but I rarely see him crack up so it brings me great joy when he laughs at my jokes. I laughed too and said "That's ok. I'm going to use that to my advantage for as long as possible!"

There's been some really hilarious things posted up, but this is probably my most favorite of them all that I've seen the last few days:

Job Applications and Other What Nots

It's noon.

I'm procrastinating.

I cannot find my glasses. (Glasses have been found. In the shower, of all places.)

My bedroom is a mess.

My bank account is empty.

My job application plate is full though! I already applied to one. Now to the other 10. Let's hope there's some fish in this pond and a biggun bites soon.

The Stars, The Moon

Music for the week! I dug a bit into the archives for some of these. After the last week it seemed appropriate.

Florence and the Machine-Cosmic Love
Regina Spektor-No One Laughs at God
Regina Spektor- On the Radio: I'm learning this song.
Typhoon- The Honest Truth: Via Myspoonful.com. These guys are a bit fascinating to me. He sounds like Damien Rice, the music reminds me of Margot and the Nuclear So&So's and the Polyphonic Spree. Loving it.
OK Go-This Too Shall Pass: Because it will. And the next thing will be better.
Margot and the Nuclear So&So's-As Tall As Cliffs: For the past
Toto-Africa: For Tahoe

For those of you who don't know, I lost my job. So I'm looking for the next opportunity. And not sobbing publicly. I'm working to meet the future with patience and anticipation for gifts of awesomeness. I'm going to have a vision board making party. Come on over.

I Think I Just Found It

Happy.

There's a lot of background to why this is a big deal, but I think I found it.

I wrote a song yesterday. Well I shouldn't even get to take all the credit for it, a song came out of me yesterday that I've been searching for since September. We finally met after a Pandora session on my new Florence and The Machine station.

By the way, Cosmic Love by said band: worth absorbing into your system if you have a chance to just sit and listen to the layers in it a few times. I think I'm missing something in it, I don't have headphones, so I haven't quite gotten all of it yet. Same for the new Bon Iver album. I need some big headphones to get all of what's going on there.

Anyways, this song came out of me and it's changing my entire world in less than 24 hours. I'm also learning a new cover that is doing the same thing. I don't really know what's going on but I really really like it. I'll record the new song in a few days so you can listen to it.

Middle of the Night Flood

We had a pipe burst last night. It started out sounding like the shower faucet, and by the end it was a waterfall. There was a lot of swearing and a lot of not understanding what was going on.

It was our first big house emergency adventure. The water has been turned off. The floor is dry. It's only just begun, and I'm in need of a shower...

Like

via SFGate

From The Notebook

The notebook has a cover with an old picture of two ladies sitting on a truck bed. It says, "I try to go the extra mile, but someone always finds me and brings me back." I'm not sure that many people get why I chose that, but to me it fits.

Anyways, the ramblings of this week:

Words: embedded, rain, frame, stains, earthiness, chance, intimacy of scale, Unencumbered, Grace


Poetry:
Things cannot be reversed, learn from the ones we fear the most, learn from the ones we hate the most

And we both know, I'll never be your lover, I only bring the heat, company under covers, filling space between your sheets
(both are From Daughter, Candles)

"escape the tyranny of things"
"He calls wabi-sabi's simplicity 'the state of grace arrived at by a sober, modest, heartfelt intelligence.' "
''Pare down to the essence, but don't remove the poetry. Keep things clean and unencumbered, but don't sterilize.''
(From Leonard Koren, Author of ''Wabi-Sabi for Artists, Designers, Poets & Philosophers,'' and several other design books)


Made up word: Smeels-smooth heels

Gift book: Pornagami-how to make privates with paper

Funny things:
On lambchops: I love the taste of innocence
On being misheard about the Tahoe Blanket: It's reversible. One side is a lake, the other side is a taco.
On ladders: For higher than sea level
Essentials: Crafts and Potato chips
6/7/11, Riding home from a friend's house: Old man, on a WWII era mini tractor, painted army green with the army insignia on it, wearing a war helmet, looking surly as all get out, driving down Macarthur. Brilliant. Wishing I had a camera phone.

Reflections:
Maintain resilience, reflect your Brilliance
Every choice you make is the right choice in the end.
From the cartoon "Cul-de-Sac": Every day I test the boundaries of my domain.
Having genius, rather than being a genius (TED talk by the author of "Eat, Love, Pray" on the source of creativity)
Being worthy of: love, respect, kind treatment, compassion, time for myself, pay for time worked.
What does a panic attack look like? What are the body feelings associated with it? What are the triggers? Why have I had four in the last 12 months?

Sacred Places:
Oakland Rose Garden
Bolinas
Mt. Tam

Possibilities:
Chocolatier Blue for Hot Chocolate
B Bar Ranch
Catalina Island


Dreams:

Riding a road similar to grizzly peak with three people. The first time I had this dream it took a long time to ride this road. The second time I had this dream the road seemed much easier and took less time to ride. Towards the end before descending into the town there was a wall. I climbed off my bike and simply dropped down to the level below, and we walked along the road for a while before I got back on and woke up. There was more to the dream just around the periphery that I can't quite grasp and bring back.

The TED talk referenced earlier:

I Make Tutus

I am a Tutu making queen. It's nice to create something. Gives a sense of accomplishment.

(Picture to be posted after the Bike Party Ride tomorrow.)

Destroying the Man

So even though this is not a bicycle related blog (trust me, I could make it one so easily) I do get to post bicycle related stuff every so often. :)

This seems to be all over right now, and I'm not gonna lie, it's making me laugh and fist pump with joy. I love New Yorkers for all that they are.

Wabi Sabi

Wabi Sabi is a Japanese principle of simplicity and imperfection. From Rework by Jason Fried and David Heinemeier Hansson who summarize it nicely in the chapter "No One Likes Plastic Flowers":

"Wabi Sabi values character and uniqueness over a shiny facade. It teaches that cracks and scratches in things should be embraced. It's also about simplicity. You strip things down and then use what you have."

I'm finding this short but beautiful article on Leonard Koren inspiring. It makes me want to go out and do photo essays on cracks (of which there are plenty in Oakland), small shops and their owners, and graffiti art around my neighborhood.

Also, the preview listen of Bon Iver's new album is up at the New York Times and NPR today, finally. I like it. Though like all of his stuff, there's an internal love of it, but it takes time for my mind to wrap around the acoustics. It's so simple at it's core, and yet he layers things in such a way that I have to really listen to it a few times before I "get" it.

Things Bringing the Light Right Now

1. Therapy.
2. Sunshine.
3. Flip Flops.
4. Anticipation for possible adventures. (Particularly: SF Bicycle Music Fest, Music in the Grove, Canoe Trip, Bike Camping, Journey to the End of the Night)
5. Dance classes.
6. Friends.

Whoa

John Darnielle of the Mountain Goats covering Jawbreaker? Yup. This is no story I tell, it is truth.

(Thanks Onion AV Club. You guys were always cooler than I was anyways.)


The Mountain Goats cover Jawbreaker

Music for Rain

First, a late night find from Ready Made Magazine's blog: Emily Arin. Lovely minimal summer rain kind of music.

Next, something that I've been playing almost constantly since it was mentioned on Liz Song's blog: Oh Daughter. Oh. My. God. This girl has talent. Beautiful voice, songs, lyrics, composition.

My favorite thing is to go on You Tube safaris. You know, where you click on the link that seems most promising on the right side of the screen after you've listened to the song you came to listen to? Pulled up a couple of gems lately:

1. Trampled by Turtles-Speedgrass awesomeness.
2. The Head and the Heart-Found on Other People's Poetry, though I've heard them before.
3. Jessie J-Her song Pricetag is all over the waves right now, but I think the one on this play list is good to listen to when you're feeling overwhelmed.
4. Mountain man-3 beautiful and very different voices combined in a traditional way to make lovely music.
5. Ma Rainey-The very first version of See See Rider recorded in 1925. Our generation knows this song via Old Crow Medicine Show. The original is fun to listen to, Louis Armstrong is playing with her.

Cookie Toes!

I have a friend who told me a story about a parrot he knows. The parrot has a phrase to describe pure joy/contentment, and it's a combination of her two favorite things: Getting her toes tickled, and cookies. Thus, Cookie Toes.

I got my first Pedicure of my entire life last Friday as a birthday present. It was fantastic.

Right away, all I could think was, "this is totally Cookie Toes. " Afterward, it was damn near all I would say for about 10 minutes.

Ah. Adventures in femininity.

Leaning into Uncertainty

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity." — Gilda Radner

Delicious Ambiguity. Ah. Those are good words.

I'm studying vulnerability this year. I always make this resolution on New Years to be more vulnerable. I have for the past 10 years or so. It's taken me this long to learn what that really means, and oh man, what a task.

At this point in my year, I'm being thrown back into uncertainty, and there are a few good resources I have to deal with that (besides my beautiful and loving friends). Here are the two I've been using lately:

1. Dr. Brene Brown's "The Gifts of Imperfection"
2. Improv for the spirit.

Both of these books are wonderful resources for getting deep into the nitty gritty of joy, vulnerability, and dancing with uncertainty.

As for myself: after two days or so of mostly hiding under my covers in fear of the unknown, I've talked myself into getting up and beginning to lean into the uncertainty like an old friend, being aware of my own internal talk and past notes, and coming to grips with just not being sure about anything right now.

My night last night helped:

Ethiopian from Red Sea at Kingfish, shuffle board, sprite, and "Oh baby you...you got what I neeeeeed." (I could make a habit of that) Night was cool but not too cool, snails on the ground, leaving trails and making us more careful about where we stepped in order to avoid that crunchy slimy guilt while walking back to the friends house talking about what I think I'm looking for.

Today, Bike ride, wine tasting, chores and preparing for my week, planning some extra unexpected adventures, planning sensible approaches, planning to knock it out of the park and approach everything with a new fire.

Today I'm grateful for more time.

I Feel Happy Of Myself

Brainstorms

I really like that word, brainstorms. I've taken to picking up words and consciously deciding to write in notebooks things that strike me. I have yet to get a pocket notebook, but I think it would be a useful thing to have, since I seem to forget things easier these days and all the creatively sparky people I know carry them.

Here are some excerpts from what I picked up this week:

Colors: Blue, Purple, Light green, birch string tree, tahoe blanket.

Sacred places: Camp, the place where I most belong, am most myself, and have yet to take a lover, though one man stood outside it's gates with me once.

I am a very serious person.

I am a very free person.

I am a seriously free person.

wide open, wide open: eyes, hands, arms, mind, heart

tear my heart wide open (rip the walls away)
hold my arms wide open (let the right one in)

No one likes to be left out, let down (Studying what exclusion means to me)

I look out for you, I care for you

And this has been my mantra:

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers which cannot be given to you, because you would not be able to live them, and the point, is to live everything. Live the questions now."~ Ranier Maria Rilke

Notes and Ephemera: An Introduction

Things I've learned about Blogging in the last year:

1. Blogging for Product, Activism, Promotion, and Self are very different processes
2. Keep it short
3. Be impeccable with your words

What this blog is for:

Mostly personal observations on the process of creating a life I can believe in.

My goal with Ash Trees and Roses is to chronicle the things I pick up along my path that are helping to push forward on the difficult track to freedom and vulnerability, overcoming my own struggles and damages, and learning to be compassionate with myself. I hope others can find some use for these things too.

"There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."~Leonard Cohen

This is for the light.