Leaning into Uncertainty

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity." — Gilda Radner

Delicious Ambiguity. Ah. Those are good words.

I'm studying vulnerability this year. I always make this resolution on New Years to be more vulnerable. I have for the past 10 years or so. It's taken me this long to learn what that really means, and oh man, what a task.

At this point in my year, I'm being thrown back into uncertainty, and there are a few good resources I have to deal with that (besides my beautiful and loving friends). Here are the two I've been using lately:

1. Dr. Brene Brown's "The Gifts of Imperfection"
2. Improv for the spirit.

Both of these books are wonderful resources for getting deep into the nitty gritty of joy, vulnerability, and dancing with uncertainty.

As for myself: after two days or so of mostly hiding under my covers in fear of the unknown, I've talked myself into getting up and beginning to lean into the uncertainty like an old friend, being aware of my own internal talk and past notes, and coming to grips with just not being sure about anything right now.

My night last night helped:

Ethiopian from Red Sea at Kingfish, shuffle board, sprite, and "Oh baby you...you got what I neeeeeed." (I could make a habit of that) Night was cool but not too cool, snails on the ground, leaving trails and making us more careful about where we stepped in order to avoid that crunchy slimy guilt while walking back to the friends house talking about what I think I'm looking for.

Today, Bike ride, wine tasting, chores and preparing for my week, planning some extra unexpected adventures, planning sensible approaches, planning to knock it out of the park and approach everything with a new fire.

Today I'm grateful for more time.