I picked it.

Grateful party!

1. Bike Party party stops. Where the masses accumulate, get off their bikes, and dance.
2. Good friends who make me laugh and let me borrow bikes and sleep on their couches and cook me breakfast with short notice.
3. Confidence returning full force, all that heart stuff I worked so hard for, for so long, that I thought was ruined, and realizing that it will come back if I misplace it again. I still have moments (who doesn't?) but nothing even remotely near the panic I was having last year.
4. Knowing what I want, and what I can offer in return.
5. Creating my year. It's been interesting to watch things forming around my set intentions.
6. Joy, mine and yours. Knowing it's all over my face by the smiles reflected back at me everywhere I go.
7. Money in my bank, and thus, bills getting paid with far less stress and worry than at just about any point in the past twelve years.
8. Webcomics. Particularly: Exploding Dog, XKCD, Dinosaur Comics, and Hark A Vagrant. So funny all the time, but even more so when I'm happy. 
9. Men who smile and wave at me from canopies of big trees early in the morning. (Ok, this only happened once, but it was still great and I'm still stoked that it happened.)
10. Sunburnt hair

The Way and the Mountains

First the first gratitude list in a while:

This week I'm grateful for the people in my life. Most of them stand out on their own, but lately they have been coming in pairs.

1. Nick and Laura
2. Dom and Celina
3. Dan and Cindy
4. Matty
5. Alcatraz
6. Devin
7. Matto

The pairs of people are people who love each other, are generous with others, and have strong boundaries. Each expresses it in their own way, and each individual is one I admire and love a great deal in their own right, but the core of what I am grateful for this week, is how they interact with the world as a pair. There are definitely stand out individuals for very specific reasons: Matty for being, well, Matty. I've known him for a long time. He makes my brain and belly feel ok. Alcatraz for making me aware of how much I don't listen to the world around me and should. Matto for being a sweetheart and making me laugh, and Devin for showing that he cares without a hint of hesitation.

I'm using this week to begin a major tectonic life shift and today I'm feeling productive. I decided Saturday night that almost all of my stuff would have to go and that very little is going into storage this time around. For one, I need the money. Secondly, I need a new life. So the craigslist ads are posted, I'm in the process of uploading pictures, and my room is a disaster area. It feels amazing to be clearing out the clutter.


Liz Song just posted something up on Facebook yesterday that did a little thought reshaping for me: Brainpickings list of Five Manifestos for Life. Wow. What a treasure mine this website is. Definitely going on my favorites list.

There is some saying about how harmony and/or happiness come from having everything in your world projecting the same message. The same goes for a good marketing program with a company. Consistent messaging is key. So I'm working on clearing that up for myself. What's my plan for happiness that I'm not going to let circumstances interfere with? I guess that starts with what the hell makes me happy? I have an inkling, and things are becoming clearer in that area.

I feel a little bit like I should be really anxious, but for some reason, almost all the anxiety I've had the last year is gone. I am feeling somewhat in my element, I am exploring my world and my options, and the last two months have opened my eyes to a lot of things about me that I was not previously acknowledging or simply didn't know. Things like, I hate being in front of a computer all day. Being outside in nature makes me ridiculously happy and drops me right into the flow. Riding bikes is great, but doesn't even half way compare to riding a horse. Travel calms me down and gives me space to think. I don't like being inside all day. I like cooking simple and clean. I like having a beer or a glass of wine with friends and talking fluffy and serious in small groups. I like dance breaks. I like being on stage. I'm not sure what all this says about me, other than that it is who I am, and my best friends are the ones that understand it and love it about me.

I had a friend break off our friendship when I got back from Hollywood. Seeing as how we haven't really hung out very much outside of band stuff for the last year (almost) and our dealings with each other haven't been very friendly as of late, I can't say it was much of a surprise. Still, it sucks to lose a friend.

Another friend of mine posted up a pretty fantastic list of reasons why the 21st Century is Making you Miserable, on cracked.com. It was laugh out loud funny, but also really struck a nerve. Man, I love laughing and this one was just perfect for my morning.

This has been an interesting two months, and promises to be a continually interesting year. Adventuras!

Oh What A Week

First, you need to enjoy this website: (NSFW...kind of?) http://nuclearjukebox.blogspot.com/


Second, this week was way better than last week. Tis time for another list of things bringing the light:

1. Chickens
2. Laura and Nick
3. X-Men First Class
4. Doug and Hamburgers
5. Nerd Night about Guitars and Simpsons and Lasers (Really, how could you miss that?)
6. Pork Loin topped with bacon and onion compote, with a side of jokes.
7. Confidence
8. Gentlemen and Wine
9. Piles of laughter and joy.
10. Interesting job opportunities
11. Friends with good ideas and funny thoughts
12. An amazing weekend coming up
13. Song recording in the hallway!

Nothing in the notebook this week. I forgot to carry it with me. You are probably glad.

Things Bringing the Light Right Now

1. Therapy.
2. Sunshine.
3. Flip Flops.
4. Anticipation for possible adventures. (Particularly: SF Bicycle Music Fest, Music in the Grove, Canoe Trip, Bike Camping, Journey to the End of the Night)
5. Dance classes.
6. Friends.