Fun. I've heard that before.

So I had an encounter recently, a kind of heart to heart with someone. I'm calling it a heart to heart because I exposed certain parts of who I am to this person, as a bit of a personal push to be more honest with myself and others this year. To admit to my own insecurities and to own my own brilliance. It felt good to connect.

I've been joking with people about it though, because if a dog could bark up a wrong tree, this tree would be the wrong one for me.

This heart to heart was important for a few reasons. Sometimes you heal through physical action, sometimes you readjust due to a conversation you have.

The conversation has taken a lot of turns. I'm interested and curious about this person.

I think if I could assign one word for this person's philosophy on life this year it could be summed up by the word "Fun". Since I met them I have been resisting this idea of fun, due to the fear of my own anxiety issues and some other things. But I'm thinking about it hard. And I get it. Easy. Fun. Spending time with someone you like and laugh a lot with, flirting, making out, getting laid on a regular basis. Fun. Fun is good. I like fun.

And here's the thing: I've never approached a relationship from the fun angle. I'm a fun person. So why not? Fun. Relaxed. Anxiety free. Right. Right. Ok. Learning new things. Add it to the goals of the year. I better go burn one for the intention pile.

Update:

After frantically searching for friends to talk about this with, I ended up making a facebook post to get some perspective from the masses. What ensued was an amazing conversation that shed a lot of light on a lot of different things for me.

I've been trying to reread it when I have a minute, because it's a lot to absorb, and it's the kind of conversation that afterwards leaves you with warm fuzzies because it just makes things seem really clear.

I'm going to try to summarize it, because it spanned the whole gammut of sex/relationship talk, from what fun means in a relationship and how it applies, to STDs, to polyamorous relationships. There was also a really interesting factor in the conversation, in that most of the participants were male. A few women posted comments, as did I, but it was really just interesting to watch the men interact with each other on the topic of what a relationship defined as "fun" was. It opened this whole can of worms.

We all basically agreed that relationships should be fun. What that means to people obviously differs according to preference, conditioning, and experience, thus knowing yourself and what you like out of a relationship is essential, and those things are up for challenge, growth, and evolution as you go along. Bottom line, if you are getting what you want out of a relationship, it's fun. Know what you want. Keep communication lines open, and be honest about what you want and how you feel. For me specifically, make sure you take the space and time you need to work things out and get to where you know what you want. Sometimes it takes a long time. That's ok. Verbalize feelings, expectations, needs, and wants. Don't hold so fast to desires, expectations, and projected outcomes, so that you can be open to what is going on in the relationship in the moment, be willing to experiment, be willing to get hurt, and expect to grow. Talk a lot. Kiss a lot. Have good sex, a lot...or as much as you like. Personally I like to go with: find someone who likes to have sex as much as you do, and then get good at it with each other.

Optimism, hope, joy, fun. Yeah. I can get on that train this year.